LOOKING FOR A SPOUSE?

Text: Genesis 24:1–27

Looking for a spouse is something that comes naturally to us when we come of age. You want to settle down, have a family one day. I am going to answer three questions concerning looking for a spouse: Why, where and how to look for a spouse?

Why?

We look for a spouse because it is God’s will. In the case of Abraham, it was God’s will that Isaac get married. God told Abraham that his seed (children) would inherit the land He had given him. Isaac thus needed to get married so as to produce a godly seed (Gen 24:7). This applies to us as well. Establishing a Christian family is in God’s will. A godly family can be used by God to fulfil the Great Commission by their good testimony.

We look for a spouse for the sake of companionship. No man is an island. In Genesis 2:18, God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl likes boy, both get married. It is something beautiful. God made it this way.

Where?

In the case of Abraham, he told his servant to get a wife for Isaac from out of his own people (Gen 24:4). The servant was specifically warned not to take a wife for Isaac from out of the Canaanites who were idolators. The principle taught here is clear: God’s people must marry only those who have the same faith. Marry only within the Christian community. Marry only a believer. Reason: “For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.” (Deut 7:4). Paul says clearly, marry “only in the Lord” (ie, a believer) (1 Cor 7:39).

Where to look for a believer? Of course the first place is in your own church. Where did I find my wife? I found her in Bible College. That is the best because both of us are in the full-time ministry. We have the same calling and desire to serve God for the rest of our lives. We were compatible.

How about other churches? Yes, but make sure they are B-P churches or at least Bible-believing and Bible-defending churches. There are many false and worldly churches today, and those inside may be believers only in name. So be careful. Make sure the person you intend to marry is truly born again. I know of a young man who married a girl who said she was a Christian. He did not check what she meant when she said that. Actually she also said that she was a Hindu. In one year, they were separated. The girl made use of him to finish school, and then left him. Make sure you marry a Christian.

How?

Very carefully. To decide whom you want as a spouse is an important decision. Do not decide on your own. Firstly go to the Lord in prayer. (Gen 24:12). Don’t forget to pray. The Lord is the divine Matchmaker. He is very interested in your marriage. He will lead you to the right person. Secondly, seek the advice of your parents. If you fancy a guy or a girl, ask your parents for their opinion about him or her. Many a disastrous marriage could have been avoided only if parental wisdom was heeded. Parents who have graduated from the university of life can often see things we do not see. Did I go to my parents for advice? Yes. I went to my mom. “What do you think of her?” She would usually say, “You better think carefully.” “Think carefully.” Yes, love involves not only the heart but the mind. If it is only the heart—it is infatuation. But if it involves the mind and the will, it is solid—it is love. Today, the movies have painted a warped picture about what love is. Love is physical attraction; it is all soft and mushy. Make sure your love is not about mushmellows but muscle.

Proverbs 18:22 says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” It is a most blessed thing if you can find a wife who is a fervent Christian, who is able to bring out the best in you in serving God and glorifying His name, who will be a sacrificial mother to her children, and willingly submits to the authority of the man who is head of the house (Tit 2:4–5). Yes, the word is “submit” (or “obey”). Note that wives are to be “keepers at home”—a very important and noble work. Being a wife and mother is a full-time vocation (not occupation)—it is a calling. If you are not prepared to be a full-time home-maker and mother to your little children, then marriage may not be right for you. Remain single, and pursue your career.

Proverbs 18:22 applies to the sisters as well, “Whoso findeth a husband findeth a good thing …” It is a most blessed thing if you can find a husband who is a strong believer, who will love you fully and unconditionally as Christ loved the church and gave His life for her, who will provide for your needs and give you security, and dutifully takes responsibility to be the spiritual leader of the home. But if you find a husband who doesn’t spend time with the family, who goes to late night parties with friends, who flirts with other women, who returns home drunk, who gambles his money away and does not provide for the family, that is hell on earth, isn’t it? Make sure you marry a godly man.

PUTTING GOD FIRST IN YOUR MARRIAGE

(Pastor’s Sermon at the Wedding of Richmond and Kezia, 23 July 2016)

Richmond and Kezia are members of True Life BPC. I have known Richmond since he became a member of True Life. His mother Jane and sister Katherine are also active church members. I have known Kezia since she was born. Her parents Bee Heng and Yee Fong served together with Jemima and me in the Lively Teens Fellowship of Life BPC about two decades ago. At their wedding, I was one of their photographers. Now I am the solemniser for their daughter’s wedding. A promotion!

I am especially happy for Richmond and Kezia because they are a spiritually-minded couple who not only know the Lord, but also love Him. This can be seen in their wedding text which is taken from Proverbs 3:5–6. This is an unusual text for a wedding. Usually wedding couples would choose verses that speak of love and marriage. But they chose a text that speaks of faith and guidance. I think that is very thoughtful of them. They want God to be in the Limelight, to be the Highlight of their wedding. They are also thinking ahead—they know that God is most important in their life, and they want Him to be with them all the way, to help them and guide them in their faith and in their life together.

Proverbs 3:5–6 says, “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

(1) “Trust in the LORD”
Many weddings focus on love which is good and right. But before there can be love, there must first be faith—this belief in the Lord Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour, this trust in the Lord Jesus Christ to save us from our sins and all the evils of this world. For a blessed and blissful marriage, we must love God first. And we love God because He first loved us. John 3:16. And 1 John 4:15, 16, 19, “Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. … We love him, because he first loved us.”

For a blessed and blissful marriage, there must be an acknowledgment that God is the Creator—the Maker of the man and the woman (male and female). Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” A wedding blessed by God is a wedding between a man and a woman and not between a man and a man, or a woman and a woman. Here we have a man and a woman—a man and a woman who believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, who have trusted in Christ as their Lord and Saviour. And it is the Lord who has brought them together. God is the perfect Matchmaker. I think Richmond and Kezia are a perfect match. God is good, He makes no mistakes.

(2) “Lean not unto thine own understanding”
For a blessed and blissful marriage, you not only need God, you also need the Word of God. When Richmond and Kezia said they wanted premarital counselling, I told them to attend my night classes on Systematic Theology at FEBC. For a marriage to be strong and solid, you need to know your God, your Creator, your Saviour more and more through a diligent study of His Word. They took my class on Biblical Anthropology for credit. Both did well. Don’t stop studying God’s Word! It is a lifelong learning of God’s Word that will carry you through. I am also glad they are active in the fellowship and ministries of the church. They come regularly for prayer meetings. Keep coming! When you have children, don’t stop coming, don’t stop praying. Bring your babies along.

In your life together as husband and wife, you need God and His Word, and God will guide the both of you and when the time comes your children all the way home to heaven. JK