CHASTE RELATIONSHIPS
Pr Clement Chew
“… (intreat) the younger (women) as sisters, with all purity.” (1 Tim 5:2b)
We live in a world that is becoming increasingly tolerant of sexual promiscuity. Sexual sins pervade all levels of society. They are committed by the young and the old, the rich and the poor, the educated and the uneducated. The transgression of the seventh commandment knows no bounds!
Singapore is no different. Recently, there were reports of inappropriate games conducted during a university’s orientation programme. These games involved men humiliating female undergraduates by actions that were sexually suggestive and inappropriate. While some were critical of these activities, many chose to defend these games, with some suggesting that they were necessary elements and traditions of the university’s orientation programme.
In such perilous times, members in the church should all the more be careful to maintain chaste relationships with those of the opposite sex. They ought to guard themselves against transgressing the Seventh Commandment. Sadly, sexual sins continue to pervade the church. Even pastors have succumbed to sexual indiscretions. How often we read of church leaders who fell because of such transgressions! They often start as “counselling” sessions, but end up as an adulterous fling. Everyone, please beware!
The Apostle Paul warned young pastor Timothy of such dangers. As a pastor, it was necessary for Timothy to minister and admonish all members in the church regardless of age and gender. However, with regards to younger women, Paul instructed Timothy to minister “with all purity” (en pasēi hagneiāi). The term “hagneiāi” carries the idea of moral purity and chastity. Thus, the expression is a warning not just against any act of immorality, but also any breach of propriety. Kent rightly notes that “even if immorality is not involved, thoughtlessness or indiscretion will ruin the ministry of any pastor, regardless of his eloquence.” Tragically, the indiscretions of many men have caused them to lose their usefulness when they could have been fruitful in their service for the Lord Jesus Christ!
Every pastor and church leader should thus endeavour to protect the younger women in the church from falling into sexual transgression, as how he would protect his own sister. He should also spare no effort to ensure that there will be no hint or suggestion of impropriety between him and any woman. “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (1 Thess. 5:22)
Here are some things a leader should do to prevent any suggestion of impropriety. Firstly, unless under necessary circumstances, church leaders should not touch any person of the opposite sex. Secondly, he should not be ministering to any woman alone in an enclosed room or residence. Should there be any accusation by the woman, the leader will have no other witnesses to vouch for his innocence. It will be her word against his. Even if no evidence is found of any indiscretion, doubts may remain in the minds of those who know. Who can guarantee that the two will not be tempted when left alone? Therefore, if there is a need to counsel a woman individually, let the leader do so with his wife, or in the witness of other leaders. Church offices should also come installed with clear windows so that others can see clearly what is going on in the office.
As church leaders strive to follow the Biblical injunctions to maintain chaste relationships, fellowship group leaders and congregational members should follow likewise. Firstly, let all men be careful in their conversation with ladies. Hands off the opposite sex! To the young men, flee youthful lusts. To the married men, your dedication must be to the wife of your youth. Be a one-woman man. Guard your conversations over WhatsApp, email or social media. They should not tempt any woman into indiscretion. Do not fetch any woman alone in the car, unless the woman is your mother, wife or daughter. Have another person to accompany you so that there will be no temptation or accusation. If there is no choice, either assist the sister to hail a cab or let the lady sit behind in the car. Be clean and transparent in everything.
Likewise, the ladies should also play their part in maintaining chaste relationships. You have the Christian duty not to lead the men into temptation. Dress modestly. Do not touch the men carelessly. Heed the following Biblical injunctions— “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.” (1 Tim 2:9–10) “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” (1 Peter 3:1–4)
Dear brethren, let us be careful to maintain chaste relationships. Men, be a true Christian gentleman and protect the chastity of the ladies. Ladies, do not tempt the men but let your life adorn the beauty of Christ. Do not treat the Seventh Commandment lightly. “Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.” (1 Cor. 10:12)
THE LUST OF THE EYES
In this lust-filled world that we live in, we must be careful not to fall into the sin of the lust of the eyes. 1 John 2:15–17 tells us in no uncertain terms, “Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.”
The lust of the eyes is the violation of the 7th commandment, “Thou shalt not commit adultery” (Exod 20:14), and the 10th commandment: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s” (Exod 20:17). The Lord Jesus said it well in Matthew 5:27–28, “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”
The sin of adultery and covetousness is, “I see, I want, I take.” In 2 Samuel 11:2–4, we find King David falling into such a sin, “And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king’s house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon. And David sent and enquired after the woman. And one said, Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite? And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her.” The sin of adultery and covetousness is no respecter of persons. In fact, it is often the sin of the rich and powerful.
How may we fall into the sin of the lust of the eyes? Pornography is a real problem today. In this cyberspace age, pornography is so easily accessible through the internet. Although the worldwide web contains a whole lot of useful information and resources, it is filled with fornication and temptations. It poses a real danger to our young people who are internet savvy. Premarital sex, teenage pregnancies, date-rapes, and juvenile prostitution are all too common. Here is God’s good command to young people, “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart” (2 Tim 2:22).
The lust of the eyes is no respecter of persons. It tempts both unbelievers as well as believers. Adultery has become fashionable today. Having multiple sex partners is like having different clothes to wear. “Variety is the spice of life,” so let me have a Baskin Robbins’ selection of women in my life. Having one night stands and secret affairs are norms in today’s permissive and promiscuous society. Have we fallen into such a heinous sin as fornication or adultery? If we have, we should be gripped by extreme guilt and grief, and be zealous to repent. If we have committed such a sin and feel no shame or remorse, it is a possible sign that we may not be truly regenerate in the first place. The Apostle Paul warned in 1 Corinthians 6:9–10, “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.”
In Singapore, juvenile delinquency and teenage pregnancy are on the rise, and among adults, divorce rates are climbing, catching up with the West. A recent Straits Times article tells us, “More saying ‘I do’ and ‘I do … away with you’.” This is one sign of the end times. Matthew 24:12 says, “And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.”
How to overcome the lust of the eyes? These verses from the Bible tell us how:
Psalm 101:2–3, “I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way. O when wilt thou come unto me? I will walk within my house with a perfect heart. I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.”
Proverbs 4:25–27, “Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.”
Proverbs 6:20–26, “My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother: Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck. When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee. For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life: To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman. Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids. For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.”
Matthew 18:9–10, “And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire. Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.”
Be careful little eyes what you see! JK
