SINGLEHOOD OR MARRIAGE?

Which is better—to be single or to be married? Paul addresses this question in 1 Corinthians 7:25–40.

Advice to Singles

“Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.” (v27). Concerning singlehood, Paul says that Jesus did not discuss it during His earthly ministry. But as someone writing under divine inspiration, he now gives his advice to “virgins” (v25) or those still not married. Paul commends or recommends singlehood for there are three advantages to it:

First, it will save you from a lot of trouble in life. The “present distress” (v26) is probably referring to the “trouble in the flesh” (v28), and the fact that “time is short” (v29). Paul was trying to say that this earthly life is full of suffering and that we are living in perilous times. The word thlipsin denotes “trouble involving direct suffering”. It is physical suffering like persecution (Acts 11:19). That was why Jesus warned, “And woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days!... For then shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be.” (Matt 24:19, 21).

Second, it will give you total freedom to serve God. Since the “time is short” and the Lord’s coming is imminent (vv29–31), the Christian should live his or her life with urgency in light of this great event. The word for time here is kairos which speaks of “opportune time”. In other words, since life is short and since the Lord is coming back soon, the time to serve God is now for we do not have much time left. All our earthly services to the Lord will end when we pass away or when He comes back, whichever comes first. If we are single, we will be free to serve the Lord unhampered.

Third, it will allow you to concentrate fully on God’s work. Marriage can be distracting (vv32–35). Being single will allow you to give your full attention to the Lord without distraction. S Lewis Johnson commented, “It is as if Paul were tacitly saying that marriage makes Marthas out of Marys, thus preventing the choice of ‘that good part’—occupation with the Lord and his Word.” (cf Luke 10:38–42).

Although singlehood is better than marriage for the above reasons, Paul was judicious to emphasise that there is no sin in getting married (v28). Paul also counselled, “But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.” (v9).

Advice to Fathers

“But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.” (v36). Who is the man and who is his virgin (v36)? The man is the father and “his virgin” his daughter. This verse has to do with the right of the father in giving his daughter in marriage. Hence, let them (ie his daughter and her suitor) be married. Robertson and Plummer rightly observed that “the verb gamizo everywhere in N.T. (Matt 22:30, 24:38; Mark 12:25; Luke 17:27, 20:35) means ‘give in marriage’…. In spite of this, some make it mean ‘marry’; while others accept the absurdity that the man who has formed a special union with a woman may give her in marriage to another man. The gamizon is decisive: the Apostle is speaking of a father or guardian disposing of an unmarried daughter or ward.”

In those days (as it should be today), it is the father’s right and privilege to give their daughters away in marriage. Paul here counsels that if there is no necessity or urgency, a father does well to keep his daughter from marriage (v37). It is not wrong for him to give her hand in marriage or to arrange for her marriage, but it is better if he does not, all things considered (v38).

It is important that fathers do not act “uncomely” or unbecomingly when the circumstances require for their daughters to be married—for instance “if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require,… let them marry.” Adam Clarke commented, “In those early times, both among the Hebrews and Christians, the daughters were wholly in the power of the father, so that he might give or not give them in marriage as he chose; and might bind them to perpetual celibacy if he thought proper; and to this case the apostle alludes. If the father had devoted his daughter to perpetual virginity, and he afterwards found that she had fixed her affections upon a person whom she was strongly inclined to marry, and was now getting past the prime of life; he, seeing from his daughter’s circumstances that it would be wrong to force her to continue in her state of celibacy; though he had determined before to keep her single, yet he might in this case alter his purpose without sin, and let her and her suitor marry.” John Wesley put it succinctly, “But if any parent think he should otherwise act indecently – unbecoming his character toward his virgin daughter, if she be above age, (or of full age,) and need so require, ver. 9, let them marry – Her suitor and she.”

As such, if the circumstances require for a man’s daughter to be married to a godly suitor, the responsible parent should do the right thing, “let them marry”—don’t stop them, don’t delay their marriage. The Westminster Larger Catechism (Q139) states that the unjust prohibition of marriage or the unnecessary delay of marriage is a violation of the 7^th commandment.Parents ought to be careful not to sin against God by breaking a match that He Himself has made for their children.

Marriage is good and God created it for good. That is why “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” (Prov 18:22). Furthermore, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” (Heb 13:4).

Nevertheless, if you can be single without sinning, you have chosen the better part in light of the hardships of the times and the soon return of Christ. Jesus said, “For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.” (Matt 19:12). “He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.” (Matt 11:15). JK

THANKING GOD FOR TRUE LIFE BPC

Here are some notes of thanksgiving from current Filipino FEBC students on the occasion of the 18^th Anniversary of True Life BPC:

I do rejoice with all thankfulness and praise unto the Lord for True Life BPC for blessing her with another anniversary thanksgiving. God has faithfully kept, preserved, and used her to be a holy witness for Christ. I hope and pray that God will continue to bless and keep her to become a useful vessel fit for the Master’s use. May the Lord by His grace and strength help her to serve the Lord faithfully and earnestly to extend God’s kingdom near and far, all for the glory of His name! Psalm 127:1, “Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.” — Gyzza Dandoy (BTh-4)

“As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith” (Galatians 6:10). I thank and praise God for giving me such a wonderful opportunity to be supported in my studies here in FEBC by the True Life BPC. I pray that the Lord will bless the church abundantly in accordance with His will. — Maria Mae Durango (BTh-1)

Blessed 18^th anniversary and thanksgiving. May the Lord bless the congregation, Session members and Pastor Jeffrey Khoo with more and more anniversary celebrations to come. “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly…But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.…and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper” (Psalm 1:1–3). Blessed be the church that does the same to the glory of God. — Deccarlo Igot (MDiv-3)

Since my family and I arrived in Singapore, True Life BPC was the Church which the Lord has providentially used to nurture us not only spiritually but also physically even till today. I can never thank God enough for how He has allowed us to witness her grow from strength to strength, not only in number but also in spirituality. The wonderful blessings that she received from the Lord through His Word taught by faithful ministers are manifested in how she extends help to students studying in FEBC. I am one of the recipients of it. I do not deserve the least of help but God graciously provided through True Life BPC with the Rev Dr Jeffrey Khoo as the pastor of this Church. I am very grateful to the Lord and for this Church which provides for my school fees. As she celebrates God’s goodness in preserving her witness in these very trying times, we who are beneficiaries of this love for the brethren, rejoice with her in this joyous 18^th Thanksgiving Anniversary! II Thessalonians 1:3 — Maria Celeste Lagapa (MRE-1)

I thank God for granting True Life BPC 18 years not just to witness for Him but also to support His children studying in the Far Eastern Bible College. I thank God that I am one of those supported students, unworthy as I am. This truth that believers in True Life support me in my studies through their hard work and prayer motivates me to do my best as God prepares me for the future ministry ahead. I am sure their labor of love will not be in vain. May God continue to watch over and protect True Life in the coming years even as apostasy and attacks of the enemy grow in intensity. May the Lord find us faithful when He comes! — Thessa Lagapa (BRE-4)

God has used True Life BPC to be the church that fed me spiritually and physically since arriving in Singapore. Since then, it has been 12 years and it is only because of God’s blessing through True Life that my family can survive in this country by her spiritual encouragement and physical provision. I am very grateful that through her, He has also provided for my studies in FEBC. It is my prayer that True Life will continue to seek out opportunities to be a blessing and a good witness to many. — Theya Lagapa (MDiv-1)

I thank the LORD for True Life BPC to be the means of God’s providence and blessings, assisting us in our studies, unfailing to provide our needs, for the prayers and the faithful teaching of God’s Word. “For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which ye have shewed toward his name, in that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister” (Hebrews 6:10). — Jenerose Sagayoc (BRE-4)

Pastor with Kong Family (30/10/21)