The Lord convicted my heart to write this testimony. One of the important lessons that I have learned from the course on Acts is how the Apostles kept praising the Lord. They praised the Lord no matter the circumstances, even in times of adversity. I felt rebuked because I do not give thanks to God enough. I was resisting God’s command to praise Him by giving excuses like what if I am not glorifying God when I give my testimony. The thing that sealed it was how at chapel Dr Khoo preached on the necessity of giving thanks. It is the duty of every Christian. If I am uncomfortable in verbally giving thanks, I could give thanks by writing. I knew immediately in my heart that I cannot run away from praising God. So here, I write to record the goodness of the Lord to me in the quietness of my room.
Donating My Kidney
I know I have written bits and pieces of my testimony in the past. This time it will be in full. I am very thankful to the Lord for the lessons He taught me through this process. Looking back, I learnt more about God and myself – how God is sovereign and faithful, and I so sinful and wrongfully demanding of God. The desire to donate my kidney was first placed in my heart somewhere in the middle of my second semester. It came to fruition in my seventh semester. In between those two and a half years, God has taught me to wait upon Him. He made me to understand that His will is the best. I prayed diligently at first, desiring to seek the Lord’s will if I should proceed. I was terrified because I did not want to be moved by circumstances or my desires alone. I shared with a sister in Christ wishing to have the view of someone in the medical profession. She reminded me of my calling and to consider things properly because I still did not know where God would place me to serve. I was worried, but I kept praying. Soon the cares of the world consumed me. I was more focused on my problems in life and began to pray less. It was no longer diligent prayers but sporadic prayers.
One year later when things were more settled I started praying for this again. This time, I felt like God was not answering my prayers. I was impatient and felt frustrated. I felt the pressure of the circumstances but I had no clear direction. I struggled to find out God’s will. I was no different from a spoiled child, demanding answers from the Lord. I failed to realise how I was crippled by my fears – not knowing how to bring up to my mother and maybe disqualifying myself from service. I failed to check my walk with God, how I have not loved His Word above everything. I have not prayed devotionally. Though I prayed insistently, the prayer was self-centred. I wanted and demanded answers from God.
In some sense, God has revealed His will to me, but I was blind to see it throughout the time I had been praying. One of my fears that God has settled was through this verse: “And Moses was an hundred and twenty years old when he died: his eye was not dim, nor his natural force abated.” (Deut 34:7). It seems like a random verse, but Rev Quek, in Old Testament History and other classes, reminded us repeatedly that our lives are in the hands of God. Moses could climb up and down Mt Sinai to commune with God multiple times, and fast numerous times in his old age. At the end of his life, Moses’ health was still in tip-top shape. God does not need material things to sustain our lives. It was a rebuke because I failed to see how God is the one who controls all things. I used my finite mind to look at circumstances and was unable to see the omnipotence of God.
My Mother’s Consent
God also moved in a mysterious way when it came to sharing with my mother. I was anxious and wanted to wait things out. I did not know how to bring it up to her. However, God moved my heart one afternoon to call her and talk to her about it. I do not know why but I just felt the burden to call her as I would have generally waited till the weekend to speak to her. I remember having zero plans. The only thing I did before ringing her up was to pray. I asked God that if it was His will, my mother would agree to my kidney donation. The next step was to call. I had no script, and I just shared as the Spirit guided, and my mother did not give a definite answer as we were interrupted by her work. She said she would call me back. I felt a little disheartened and wondered if it was God’s will. Not long later, she called back, and asked if I was sure. I replied that I was. The call ended with her agreeing since I was confident that it was God’s will. She reminded me to continue to pray. My prayer was answered – I did not have to do anything to convince her. When I went back home for the weekend, we spoke in greater detail. Thank God for her being supportive and caring throughout these few months.
After getting my mother’s approval, the process of testing started at the end of December 2019. I did not know how to tell my aunt and uncle either, but God moved circumstances to open the way for me to share. Soon, I began meeting the coordinator, doctor, and the many tests I had to undergo to ensure that I was healthy enough. This whole process was not a bed of roses; there were so many ups and downs. The biggest struggle I had was with the pandemic. It slowed down the hospitals, and I had to stop going for the tests in late February, which resumed in March and then stopping again indefinitely. In April the Circuit Breaker kicked in which meant that no test could proceed. Everything came to an end. Back then, I was fearful because these tests have a lifespan of only six months. The delay seemed never ending and the future so bleak.
Comfort from Theology
Yet, God was so good to me. I was taking a course on Calvin’s Institutes. The twin doctrines of the sovereignty and faithfulness of God were a great comfort to me. It could get rather depressing at times because when I thought about having to redo the tests – it would be time and money wasted. I was also worried about my aunt’s health as her autoimmune condition started to react again. If I had remained in my thoughts, it would be troubling to my soul. I am very thankful for the Word of God, which encouraged me time and time again, helping me look to God and not dwell on my sinful thoughts. God has been good also to provide me with encouragements along the way especially when the waiting gets weary. May Lynn showed me Rev Tow’s writings to encourage me, having chanced upon them while doing her thesis. His words reminded me to wait patiently on the Lord and trust in God’s good timing.
Trusting the Lord
God taught me how to entrust my plans to Him in prayer and to submit to His will. I also saw how I thought June was the perfect timing, but God knew what was best for me. As phase two eased in, I could resume the tests from where I left off. I was very thankful to the Lord that I need not start over from the beginning.
When news of the date of the surgery came, I cried because I would not be able to take the classes I wanted. Before the new semester started, I had plans to take certain courses. I was unwilling to submit to His will. I saw how sinful I was. God has given to me what I desired for a long time, and yet I wanted it on my terms. God had to humble me, to teach me to be grateful and not to be wilful. Thank God for godly counsel, reminding me to trust in God’s plans.
I am very thankful for the chance to study God’s Word when I am still recovering from surgery. I remember reading online that many after surgery would feel a loss within themselves leading to depression. I was a little scared. In my recovery stage, I would be relatively idle, be less guarded from selfish thoughts and go down the rabbit’s hole. Therefore, I am very thankful for the opportunity to study God’s Word – more time spent in the Word and less time for self.
Thank God for supplying all our needs. I thank God for giving me good health so that all the tests were in the normal range, and I am a suitable candidate. Thank God also for providing me with the ability to sleep and eat each day. Thank God for the two days before the operation to have this quietness in my heart and in the surroundings to be able to study God’s Word. Thank God for the prayers and care shown to me as well. Thank God for both Mrs Tow and Mrs Khoo who are concerned over my health. Mrs Khoo would remind me to eat and strengthen my body. Thank God for her as she was very accommodating to give me lighter duties and reminded me not to strain myself. I thank God also for her testimony on how she entrusted her life to God while going through cancer treatments. It was a visible reminder for me to look to God. Mrs Tow also has been very encouraging. She would catch me in the school grounds to remind me of God’s sovereignty and our own responsibility – God cares and protects His children but I have to eat so that I will be strong for the surgery. She has also frequently reminded me to pray. I thank God again for the friends at FEBC who prayed for me and were a constant source of encouragements when some of the tests were tough. Thank God also for very understanding lecturers.
Thank God for the surgery which went very successfully. There were no complications throughout the two operations. The kidney turned pink the moment it was connected to the blood vessels – to the surgeons’ pleasant surprise. Some transplant recipients would have to go through a few rounds of dialysis to kick start the kidney. In our case, the kidney was very well received. The days of recuperation were smooth, doctors were happy with our progress and some of the nurses in the transplant ward commented that we heal rather quickly. The doctors were happy with my aunt’s readings. In the past she had to be very careful with her diet and had to increase the dosage of her medications every so often. She used to always feel dizzy. Now, it all went away. It seems very miraculous. The hand of God is at work. God specialises in the impossible. It is the Lord who has healed her and me. My aunt and uncle are very thankful to the church for praying for them.
I trust that God who has been so good to me throughout these few months will perform all things for His glory. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Rom 8:28).
[Crayson is a member of True Life Bible-Presbyterian Church and a 4th year student at Far Eastern Bible College.]
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