A TESTIMONY OF GOD’S TRUSTWORTHINESS
Maria Ong
I have recently returned from London where I was introduced to the joys of being a grandmother. The journey to this point however, has been at times, harrowing, even ‘heart-stopping’, if it was not for God who calmed my fears and strengthened my heart. I am compelled to give a testimony of His exceeding goodness and mercies, His tender love and intimate care and comfort during this troublous time of my life. It was not my faith that saw me through but His faithfulness, not my trust but His trustworthiness. I have learnt that our God deeply cares for us. He is deeply concerned with every aspect of our lives, even how we feel. He does not want us to be overtaken by fear or anxiety, nor to be overwhelmed by the distress and pain that accompany trials. He has called us to simply trust in Him and by this trust we may be liberated from these crippling emotions.
My Daughter’s Pregnancy
On 13th February 2012, I received a call from my daughter, Deena who lives in London that she needed to go for emergency surgery to remove an ovarian cyst which had started to cause her painful constipation. The cyst which was discovered by her gyne in a routine examination earlier in the week started out as a harmless fluid filled Corpus Luteum cyst. Though large in size, 9.8 cm, it did not pose a real danger as it was only fluid. While I was talking to her about her imminent operation, scheduled for the next hour, she also revealed to me that she had just done a home test for pregnancy and it had turned out positive. The result took her quite by surprise as she had not planned to get pregnant. She did the test only because her gyne had alerted her to this possibility as her progesterone level had registered very high. Her gyne was on leave and so she was unable to reach her for advice. We prayed. Wonderfully and providentially, God brought another gyne onto the scene. She cautioned Deena that should she remove the CT cyst, “the pregnancy is definitely over!” Deena got back to the surgeon, informing him of her discovery and new decision. He said it would not affect the pregnancy if done using laparoscopy. He was very insistent that the cyst be removed, citing danger to her life as the cyst had started bleeding into itself. It had now turned hemorrhagic due the rough examination by a junior doctor who first attended to her for constipation pains. However, Deena remained unperturbed and stood her ground as she knew that to remove the cyst was tantamount to abortion. Exasperated by her stubbornness, the surgeon relented, informing her that she had to sign a waiver freeing him of all liability. Deena signed. Thank God for giving her grace, and for His very timely intervention.
The cyst grew over the next one and half weeks. It now measured 11 cm. Was it reaching the end of its tether? Was it close to rupturing I thought? I recalled a dear sister’s account of what happened when her cyst ruptured, how she crashed into unconsciousness when her blood pressure plunged. Thankfully for her this happened in the doctor’s clinic. I dread to think what would be the outcome if this should happen when Dee was alone at home in the day. There wouldn’t even be time to make an SOS call as such things happen without prior warning. As a mother and fearing for her life, I suggested that she should reconsider her decision. Preservation of life was equally important I explained and perhaps she should go along with the surgeon’s advice. She was sorely disappointed at my suggestion and retorted “where then is my faith, mum?” I felt utterly foolish and ashamed…and was left speechless.
Twins!
This is Faith
It was on 27th February when her gyne returned from leave that Deena discovered that she was in fact carrying twins! At the news, she broke down in tears! She felt unsure of her ability to go through with a twin pregnancy, given her petite frame. She also realized that this coupled with the complication of her growing cyst had just catapulted her to super high risk since regular twin pregnancies were already classified as high risk. This was a period of mixed emotions for David and me—overjoyed at the news of the double blessing but disturbed by the heightened risk. At this time we were both with her in London but could offer little comfort. Faithful as God is, He never leaves us comfortless. Comfort came from His Word. He reminded us repeatedly in our daily devotions and the pulpit that He is the Master Creator! Yes, creation is indeed God’s business alone…and we should just totally leave it in His Hands…and not worry! He also assured us that when He gives us an impossible task, He would enable us. This calmed my fears, at least for a while. Oftentimes, I vacillated between faith and fear. Sometimes fear got the better of me as I pondered the ominous outcome should the cyst rupture! I still feared for her life. I hated this feeling of faithlessness. Peace was only intermittent. Feeling so very burdened, I finally went on my knees and surrendered my “Isaac”, my only child, to God accepting His will whatever it may be. Prior to this, I could only plead for mercy for her safety asking for my own will. Those words “not my will but your will be done” simply could not come out of my lips till God gave me grace. I shared this with Deena who in turn confided that she too did the same. She told me she had purposed in her heart to walk by faith and has accepted whatever outcome God has planned for her.
This brought tears and great joy to my burdened heart. It brought great relief too. Just to know that she had such unfaltering faith in God melted away all my fears. After that conversation, God’s lingering peace descended upon me and I broke out of that gripping fear. God had led me to victory by His abounding grace.
Unwelcome News
A few days later we received unwelcome news. Test results showed that Deena had a blood mutation, MTHFR, which makes her predisposed to blood clots, hence a stroke or heart attack. Also if these clots formed in the placenta or umbilical cord, they would cut off nutrients and oxygen to the babies and a miscarriage would occur. This mutation is common among Asians but Deena had the more severe form. She was homozygous.
With this condition, it also means that her body is unable to process folic acid which was critical for cell division in the fetuses. To remedy this, all she had to do was take the broken down form of folic acid, methyl folate. We thank God for giving her gyne the wisdom to run this unusual test and also for early intervention. It probably saved the babies from birth defects. However, it was really tricky with regard to the other risk. Daily doses of aspirin and heparin, blood thinning drugs were necessary but this ran contrary to the presence of her cyst that had now grown to a staggering 13.2 cm, the size of a small melon. The drug could trigger spontaneous hemorrhage but without it Deena could suffer a stroke! Alas!! There were no good choices! Either choice could have dire consequences! The doctors decided not to do anything. We could only pray…and pray! We clung to Him pleading for His mercy…and rested in the sovereignty of His will.
This is Grace
By 15th March when Deena reached the 12th week milestone of her pregnancy, a test was done to determine her blood viscosity. It showed elevated viscosity. Her obstetrician decided to put her on aspirin despite the risk of hemorrhage. He felt it was imperative that she goes on it, as her risk of stroke and thrombosis was high…and increasing! Her advancing pregnancy and the (natural) ensuing thickening of the blood would exacerbate her pre-condition. However, we thank God the cyst was showing signs of shrinkage. It was 1½ cm smaller at about 11.5 cm. Praise God indeed for the timely shrinkage and for giving the doctor wisdom to make such a difficult decision.
Dreaded Midnight Calls
Barely three weeks had passed when we received that dreaded midnight call. The worrisome voice on the other end broke the news to us that one of the twins had a one in eight chance of Down’s Syndrome and the doctors wanted to do an immediate amniotic fluid test. My son-in-law Ben requested for an hour to think about it. Thank God for much grace! Before the end of the hour, Ben and Dee had both resolved that they would accept God’s will, whatever the case may be. They rejected the amniocentesis.
Thank God too, that Singapore being seven hours ahead of UK, I was able to share with them during the phone conversation, the reading from the other devotional (other than the RPG) that I use. It so aptly warned of Satan’s cunning, of how “he toys with the truth” and sets up snares in his attempt to derail our faith and cause us to sin. It read: “What kind of lies is he whispering? How is he tempting you? Resist him…and make God’s warnings our daily concern.” This was pertinent to their situation and helped them in their decision. Praise God! Also, in the past weeks, God had mercifully forewarned us of the spiritual warfare ahead. He had cautioned us to put on the whole armour of God, the breast plate of righteousness and the shield of faith to ward off these attacks. Satan sought to break our faith but God was using it to build us up—to refine us, to sanctify us and to perfect our faith. Praise God for His eternal purpose in our lives.
It was only a week later when we received another of those much dreaded midnight calls. We learnt that Deena had an active infection of Toxoplasmosis! More unwelcome news!! Does it never end I thought to myself. It just seemed like an unending stream of ‘bad news’, one after another in close succession. The obstetrician was grim. He said, “this is serious” and said an amniocentesis was no longer a choice. The infection during this period of gestation could have grave consequences—neural and spinal defects, blindness, hearing impairment and a host of other problems including miscarriage and still- birth. I was shell-shocked and for a while in disbelief. It can’t be real! The happenings of the past few weeks have just been a barrage of dreadful news. How very small is my faith!
Ben and Dee were reluctant to do the amniocentesis as it carried infection and miscarriage risks. There was no word from God. He was silent…but His grace was working in their hearts. By the end of the next day, they had decided against the procedure, for God had purposed in their hearts that they would accept God’s gifts, be they normal or otherwise. It is solely by God’s grace and God’s grace alone that they arrived at this decision…knowing how easy it was to rationalize that the kinder and more loving thing to do was to intervene and spare the babies from a painful and distressing future should they be infected.
Simply Overwhelmed
My feeble faith was stretched thin and I arrived at Church on 15th April with a heavy heart…nonetheless with an expectant spirit. Still I could not have guessed the sweet relief that God had planned for me. Pastor Jeffrey preached a tremendous message on God’s Faithfulness and Sovereignty. Its timing was planned by God as the message was in response to an article in the Straits Times a day earlier. This wonderful and anointed message, coupled with the lyrics of the hymns sung, “God the Omnipotent”, “The Love of God”, “God Is Still on the Throne” and “Great Is Thy Faithfulness” ministered profoundly and deeply to my spirit, lifting away my anguish and distress, and replacing it with His peace and an inexplicable assurance that all will be well. Who can discern the workings of the Holy Spirit, “the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power…”? (Eph 1:19). By the time we sang the last hymn, I was simply overwhelmed. God’s intimate care and love for me, an unworthy faltering faithless child touched me so very deeply. My eyes could not hold back the tears that were threatening to break out into sobs. How could the Great Almighty God condescend to show me such tender mercies? “What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him” (Ps 8:4). Indeed how humble and pure and unbounded is His love towards us. Praise be to His Name!
… to be continued
