CALLED TO SALVATION AND SERVICE

Theya Ba-a Lagapa

Testimony of Salvation

When I was born (in Hokkaido, Japan), my parents were still in a state of spiritual confusion. I guess you could call me an “ecumenical baby” back then; something I am not proud of. I was visited in the hospital by nuns (Roman Catholics), by my father’s friends from the Pentecostal church, and by an old WWII veteran who was a Baptist missionary pastor. These three churches were where my parents could be found on Sundays from morning till evening respectively according to their timings.

Thank God by the time my younger sister was born, they, like the Thessalonians, have put away their idols and charismatic way of worship. They turned to worship the only living and true God after they believed on Christ and were baptized. From there, I started to experience growing in a Christian family.

As a child, I enjoyed all the Bible stories my father read before my siblings and I went to bed—no matter how many times they’ve been repeated. They were always exciting and I liked those stories where the protagonists were of the similar age as I was.

Our home back then also held Bible lessons on Sunday afternoons for the neighborhood children. After one of those afternoons, I realized that I was professing to be a Christian but had no evidence of change in my life. A question was posted on what has changed since I received Christ. I looked only at my external and wondered what could be changed since I already lived like a Christian. I was always dressed modestly, I didn’t start any fight at school, and I always helped to clean the classroom even though I wasn’t the one assigned. Outside I presented myself as a good girl, but at home, I knew that I have my moments of wickedness.

What really shook me in the end was my weakness of self-pity. My home was always a lively and jolly place as my parents also supported some of my mother’s younger siblings’ or nieces’ and nephews’ university studies. Since we were staying in the university compound, they would come over and stay with us as they took over the chores and to take care of us— the kids, as my parents took on them their tuition fees. And because it was always full of people, there’ll be laughter and chattering almost all the time. But sometimes, I was left out or I choose to stay in the room especially after I take a nap. And I would sit there and wallow in self-pity as I hear them talking and laughing. Thinking, they could go on well in life without me. Maybe they wouldn’t even notice if I’m not there anymore.

Of course, that was childish and I was just eight years old. But that really got me thinking that if I don’t exist on earth anymore, where would I be? Would I actually end up in heaven? What if I don’t? I’d be in hell forever. I could imagine myself falling down that bottomless fiery pit, suffering in anguish and torment. And I thank God for that because He planned it that way for soon after my father approached me and asked me about my assurance of salvation. On the night of December 4, 2006, at the corner of our family room, I prayed with my father that Christ would cleanse me of my sins and become my personal Lord and Saviour.

I remember I was so happy that the very next day I felt like a brand new being, clean from any form of sinfulness. I read a chapter from the book of John every day even though I did not understand English that well yet.

As I grew, there were times of weakness and compromise as I was still grasping the full meaning of being a child of God. I thank God that He has assured me of my salvation several times and even nowadays as doubt never fails to creep in.

Testimony of Calling

God revealed His will little by little and confirmed it during the church camp I attended this year. Two years before in high school as a home schooler, I had this subject, which I chose to have called ‘Basic Christian Growth’. It was a subject to assist me grow in my spiritual life. However, two of the six books I was required to read were written by Christian psychologists. They touched on the subjects of depression in Christians and they confessed that in the end God’s Word is the only cure for that. Since then, I became interested in the topics of depression and emotional health as I realized there are real cases, especially among unbelievers.

At the same time, I’ve always been aware that Christianity in Japan has always been a minority and there seemed to be little growth in the numbers of believers there. In one of my writing activities in my English subject, I chose to write on missions in Japan. The need for missionaries there was laid out clearly in front of me and my desire to return to Japan and be of help to Rev. Robert Kluttz grew.

These two connected when news came out last year about how this Japanese man whose mental state was doubtful went into a care home for the disabled and started a stabbing rampage resulting in 19 people killed and 25 injured—an attack that was described as “one of the worst crimes committed on Japanese soil in modern history” and “one of the most brutal attacks in post-war Japan”. This shook me personally as I always held Japan and her people close to my heart. The awareness of hikikomori—“reclusive adolescents or adults who withdraw from social life, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement”—also helped me realize that I could reach out to the depressed in Japan.

This burden continued to be with me and this desire to serve the Lord was there since young. I was also dedicated to the Lord by my parents at infancy and this fact always convicted me every time I came across verses like Exodus 13:2 which says, “Sanctify unto me all the firstborn, whatsoever openeth the womb among the children of Israel, both of man and of beast: it is mine.” This life of mine belonged to the Lord; it is not mine to decide what I wanted to do with it.

Time came when I had to decide whether I’d just take up a year of studies here in FEBC and after that take up a secular course or to go into the full-time ministry. If I would go on to take up a secular course, it would be Psychology and Japanese since that was what’s applicable to my burden. But I was convinced that God who understands all sickness more than doctors can is more reliable than their theories. When the timetable for the new semester came out, I immediately saw the subject ‘Biblical Counselling’. It was like the Lord telling me, “Why do you want to go somewhere else when it is right here?”

I prayed about it and read the Bible. It spoke of the better choice that I can make in life. Better to know God more and more. Better to regard all things but loss. Better to focus on eternal things. Better to do God’s Word and will. Better to know what God’s will is. Better to prove what is acceptable to God. Better to glorify God alone. These were the titles of the devotional I read.

My parents encouraged me to seek His will and to apply soon if I were to study since deadline was coming up too. I filled up my application form, wrote my testimony of salvation and even a testimony of calling. But I could not submit it. I was not sure of God’s will. My testimony was full of the circumstances that gave me the burden. There was no verse that clearly convinced me of His calling.

The following week I went to church camp with a heavy heart. My cry to the Lord was “Here am I, send me.” My prayer was that He will give me a verse that week. At the welcome message of the camp, I was instructed to wait on the Lord through prayer as the theme of the camp was ‘Teach us to pray’. This gave me the indication that God will speak to me through this camp. I didn’t have to wait further as the next day’s devotional title was ‘Let no man despise thy youth’. I was wondering why the speaker chose this topic as most of the campers were of a more mature age. He spoke on how young people should serve the Lord and I felt like he knew about my dilemma. That evening, the same speaker gave a missions report and an unending call for youths to give their lives to the Lord was given. It was very clear but I wanted a verse.

At the same time there was this camper that had gone through a lot of disasters in life. I could see the effects that depression had on him. His eyes were always just staring out and he was unkempt. But what really amazed me was the fact that he could speak Japanese like a Japanese. As I saw him every day walking around, he was a reminder to me of my burden.

I had to plead and pray to the Lord every day of the camp. He wanted me to learn to wait and have faith in Him. The verse was given on the second last theme message of the camp. Verse 10 of Matthew 6 says, “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.” It is not what I want and what I desire on this earth that I should pursue. It should be God’s will for my life. Immediately after the message, during the break, one of the deacons came to me and asked me to give a testimony later that night. It was, as if, to commit myself to God’s will in front of witnesses and there was no turning back.

Now I am sure of God’s will for me. I cannot deny it. I will not have peace in my life if I do. Even though I still fear, He promised that His grace is sufficient for me. Please pray for me that as I study I will work hard towards the calling He has for me.

The Lagapa Family