SALVATION TESTIMONIES

He First Loved Me

I was raised in a Christian family, my parents being first generation Christians since they were converted in University. Since young, I have attended Sunday School and would have heard all the bible stories or knew that I was supposed to pray every day. However, all these were just mere routine, something I had to do to avoid getting scolded by my parents. I did not understand why I had to go to church or pray, nor why I had to read the Bible every day but did so because of the “interesting stories”.

Around the time I entered primary school, my parents’ career was flourishing. My father had been posted to USA for work and my mum became extremely busy with her work, resulting in very little parental supervision over me. There were no longer people making me pray with them every night before I could sleep. I still went to church every Sunday out of routine and to prevent my grandmother (who was looking after me then) or my much older sister and brother from “reporting” me to my parents. However, like before, I still did not truly believe in Christ nor did I understand why I had to do all these things.

During my formative years, Christianity was just this religion, my parent’s religion, where there were certain works or routine I had to carry out to be a “good girl”. I knew what the Bible said, I knew the words to say while praying, I knew how to memorise verses to avoid scrutiny, but I never truly believed. Christianity was just something my parents had indoctrinated in me to do since young and a bargaining tool when I am afraid, such that I would pray “Lord, I will go to church this week if you allow me to pass my exams”, or “I will do my Sunday School homework if my parents buy me the latest Barbie and Kelly toy”.

While I could perhaps be said to be a “moral” person, I did everything not because the Bible tells me so or because Jesus first loved me and I must love others. Rather, I was a very selfish person. I did everything to look good, to have good results for myself, to become the head prefect so everyone would respect me and look up to me. In a sense, I was very achievement-oriented for myself only. I regarded the “friends” I had like tissue because to me they were just temporary and had to be changed every year when classes changed. I would not say I truly cared for them. I only cared about my own results. I was not a very nice person, and would not take the effort to become friends with the so-called “uncool” or “unpopular” people in school, having watched too many American high school shows. I thought I could tell people I was a Christian because I went to church every week and because I had never done anything too horrible like killing someone (although looking back this was a very flawed reasoning since I had lied before, coveted, envied and had so much anger which was equivalent to murdering someone according to the Bible).

In Secondary School when my parents became even busier with work, I slowly started skipping church. I would sneak out to the neighboring shopping mall to play games at the arcade or read comic books in the store. I only occasionally went for Sunday School classes when I knew that too many weeks of absence would make the teacher tell my parents. Secondary 1–3 flew past like this, while in school all I cared about was having the best results and studying for exams, though for what reason other than RGS telling us to do so, I had no idea. At the end of Sec 3, after many years of being peer-pressured to go for the youth church camp, I thought why not, since all the cool kids go for the camp every year and come back with more stories to share with each other. Part of the reason was because I had gone for the OBS camp in school with my classmates and understood the logic of shared experiences making you closer with those people. The other part of me dreaded wasting my December holidays for I could be elsewhere having fun. However, my December seemed free with no other plans and I went for church camp to fill up my time.

On the last day of church camp, a video on Christmas and Christ’s purpose for coming down to earth was shown. I went to watch the video thinking “Oh dear yet again another video on the same boring message.” However, that night while watching the video, as I heard again the message of salvation, the person in the video repeated John 3:16 many times, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son…”. That night, that verse truly struck me, that for God so loved the world, a sinner like me, that He gave His only son to suffer on the cross and die for me. The depth of my sins was brought to my full awareness that night, and when I prayed the sinner’s prayer, I felt that this was the first time God had opened my heart to feel His presence. I truly asked for forgiveness for my transgressions that night with the help of God’s Spirit guiding me and showing me all my sins.

Thereafter, I became more fervent about learning the Word and about God. Bible verses which I had heard many times since young took upon new light with my eyes and ears opened by God’s grace. Those stories become more than just “stories”. The Holy Spirit enabled me to see God’s omnipotence, His almightiness, His glory that is immeasurable, His wrath, His justice and most importantly, His love for His people. I realised that in whatever I do, I must do my best for Christ and God alone, and not for my own glory or recognition. I would strive to not sin and be as Christlike as possible, with God’s providence, and for His glory, because He first loved me. And if I love Him, I will do my best to obey Him.

I eventually started serving in the youth ministry at Mt Carmel, and after many prayers, I felt God’s prompting to reaffirm my faith and signed up for catechism classes in 2011. I was reaffirmed in July 2011 and continued to do my best to spread God’s love to others so that they too will find the joy and peace that I had in God’s love for me that He washed away my sins and gave me eternal life with Him.

At the same time, my very good friend in church, Shermain, was seeking to deepen our understanding after the brief details we had in our doctrine classes. We wanted to know more about the fundamentals of our faith. She was also conversing with a brother from True Life (and also her classmate), who slowly opened her eyes to realise that though the church may be filled with fervent people, many of the church’s practices and doctrines were not aligned with the Bible’s teachings. Seemingly small things like why the church allowed youngsters to engage
in vices like drinking became glaringly obvious. The new incoming pastor was also very liberal and introduced many modern worship songs from Hillsong and Planet Shakers. These songs were constantly repeated with drums or music so loud you could hardly hear yourself think during worship. One belief I had taken for granted my whole life, that the Bible was true and infallible, even in its translation we read today, was also severely disapproved by many of the pastors. Eventually, my sister-in-Christ and close friend moved to True Life, while I was very hesitant for any changes during my A-level year and for fear of disapproval. After A-levels in 2013, I prayed to the Lord for bravery, spoke with my parents and thanks to His grace got approval from them to switch church.

In God’s plans later that year, the door to study in London opened for me and I went to London before fully having found a place in a new church. At the same time, I was also trying to get used to a whole new culture in London and a whole new church, and felt very lost without any support. By God’s grace, I was led to Spurgeon’s Metropolitan Tabernacle and started worshipping there, finding the messages of Dr Peter Masters very comforting and strongly rooted in the teachings of the Bible. I also attended the weekly doctrine classes organised by the Church and was very warmly welcomed by the brothers and sisters there. In my time there, I was able to learn more about God’s Word and deepen my faith. I did not spend much time in Singapore and regrettably did not become more integrated in True Life before I left
for London, although I would attend the services whenever I am back. After I graduated in August 2016 and moved back to Singapore permanently, I have attended True Life regularly and hope to serve Christ and spread the gospel and His love and His redeeming salvation to more people around me. Elyssa Lee

Impossible to Please God without Faith

I was born and raised in a Christian family. Then, my parents attended Calvary Tengah BP Church and naturally I was placed in the Sunday School. I was taught many stories and lessons from the Bible but I was very young and I didn’t take it seriously as I was playful. To me, heading to church on Sundays was just another routine but I liked it as I get to meet my friends. Sunday after Sunday I was taught about the Bible. It was emphasized so much that stories like Joseph and the Potiphar’s wife were engraved into my head but it didn’t occur to me that all these stories are true. To me, stories are always fictional. Therefore I didn’t give serious thought to them.

One day during Sunday School, the teachers asked all in class whether they wanted to be reaffirmed in their faith. I put up my hand not knowing what it was because I was just following everyone else. Elders interviewed me and I agreed to all their questions as I didn’t want to back out. I attended all the basic Bible lessons and followed one of the Elders to say the sinner’s prayer. The day came when I reaffirmed my faith under Dr Tow.

The very next day I started doing what I was told without true reflection such as spending time with God daily. I followed others to serve in one of the ministries as well. I didn’t understand and I didn’t give any serious thought about true repentance. I was 13 during then, still extremely playful but I still read God’s Word daily though I did not understand fully. Soon I progressed to Secondary School, and I encountered trials and temptations. Honestly it was too much for me to handle and I was very afraid. I didn’t dare to approach my parents as I was ashamed and slowly I lost faith and trust which eventually led to having thoughts like “I have to rely on myself to go through this to be stronger” and so I did. I relied on my own strength to go through these trials.

I was very alone and I asked God why He didn’t help me through these trials. Slowly I stopped my devotional time with God as well. Trials were in forms of mostly being bullied as I was the most “good” boy in the class. I didn’t dare to rebel nor stand up for myself. My faith was weak and I lost the battle. Eventually I relied on my own strength and I became rebellious. Turning rebellious gave me the upper hand. Soon the bullying stopped and I felt really good. This went on for a number of years. My parents never ceased to pray for me. There came a night, I had to break a relationship apart, and I was so helpless that I made a deal with God that if God were to help me get over this, I would go back to God. I felt so much better after that prayer.

As maturity sets in, I finally realised how much of a sinner I was and how much faith I lacked in the past. Without faith, it is impossible to please Him. So true. All glory be to God! Joseph Chee